It's a rooftop. Or a wedding. Or your cousin's backyard, three drinks deep with someone's plus-one. And here comes the inevitable question: "So, what do you do?"
And somehow — you, a competent adult who runs an entire business — hear yourself say: "Oh, it's nothing big, I just sort of do a little freelance thing, it's hard to explain."
But it’s not little. Or hard to explain. You explain it to clients and customers every single day. What's hard is explaining it appropriately for the situation and without apologizing for it.
🫠 Why we turn to mush
Most womxn were socially trained early to make ourselves smaller, more agreeable, less look-at-me.Talking up your own work runs straight into that training and makes a lot of us uncomfortable.
And the research says we’re not wrong to be anxious: women who confidently promote their own competence tend to get dinged as less likable in ways men rarely are. This is sometimes called the "likability penalty" — a tidy name for "damned if you do." So we hedge. We shrink. We turn "I built a business" into "I kind of fell into this thing."
The trouble is, you’re damned if you don’t, too. The hedge doesn't protect you. It quietly teaches the person in front of you — a potential client, referral, wholesale buyer, or future collaborator — to take you exactly as seriously as you're taking yourself.
So fuck it, just go for it.
🕵️♀️ The question behind the question
"What do you do?" is almost never a request for your job description. The real skill isn't having a perfect one sentence answer. Rather, it's the quick read of who is asking and why, and then framing your answer accordingly.
The confidence stays the same every time. Only the target moves:
🍸 The small-talker. They're just grasping for a volley by the cheese plate. Give them the warm one-liner that begs a follow up question or a quick story about the most interesting thing that happened at work recently. Then lob a question back. Leaving them feeling engaged by the conversation is actually better backdoor networking than reciting your résumé.
🤝 The networker. Potential client, potential connector. This is where you lead with value and who you serve: "I own a nimble marketing agency that delivers big-agency work at a small-agency price," or "I make the everyday dishes people actually reach for at the ceramics studio I own."
💰 The wealth-assessor. They're quietly running your net worth like a credit check. Think: the timeshare guy mid-pitch, the junior fundraiser cornering you at your undergrad reunion, the financial advisor at a dinner party who'd love to grab coffee. The flex here is just the facts, stated flatly — let the scope do the bragging: "I own two complementary businesses — a marketing agency and a network for women and gender diverse entrepreneurs."
💜 The fellow womxn entrepreneur. One of us! Tell her what you do, ask what she does, invite her to a Work With Day, share some horror stories.
🏃♀️ The one you're dying to escape. Your mission statement can do double duty as pest control. We can confidently report that "I run a network dedicated to dismantling the ways women are socialized to shrink themselves in business" has a remarkable clearing effect on a certain kind of man. We’re willing to bet “I run an influencer network driving revenue in excess of $5M” works, too.
💅 Then say it like a mediocre white man
What you emphasize may change, but the delivery is simple and the same. Borrow it directly from the most confident person at every party: the man of thoroughly average ability who talks about his job like he’s saving the world.
"I own a company that does X." Full stop. No hedging, no apology tour, no pre-emptive "it's kind of a little thing." For bonus points, weave in your value prop:
"I help founders get their books in order so tax season isn’t a nightmare."
"I make small-batch candles that make your apartment smell like a person who has her life together."
"I get women-owned food brands onto grocery-store shelves."
"I make cakes that make people cry at the first bite."
You own a company. And yes, you're a badass. Say it like you know it.
✅ The follow-up is a green light
If they bite — "oh, what kind of companies do you advise?" — congratulations, that's permission.They asked, so tell them who your ideal client is. Explain what’s special about working with you. Keep it brief and let them keep pulling. The goal isn't to reenact the bro explaining meme; it's to be interesting enough that they want the next conversation.
🔗 Okay, they're into it — now what?
Here's where so many great conversations go to die: you nail the intro, they light up, and then you both say "so nice to meet you!" and drift toward the bar. By morning the connection has gone flat like a next day glass of champagne. In an age where roughly no one carries a business card, the follow-through is on you, so have your go-to next step ready and make the ask before the moment cools:
📱 Trade numbers. Both on iPhones? Tap the tops together and let NameDrop swap your contact cards - pure tech magic. Or just trade digits like it's 2011. Here’s my number, call me maybe.
👯 Follow each other now. Phones out, mutual follow while you're standing there on your personal account or better yet your business page. Ask which network they check most consistently and get that Insta handle, LinkedIn connection, or Bluesky account.
#️⃣ Make it a QR. A digital contact card or QR code — in your phone's wallet, on a sticker, on the back of the one card you do carry — pointing straight to your site, your Etsy or Amazon shop, or your signup form.
📩 Get them on the list. "Can I add you to my newsletter?" is the lowest-commitment yes there is, and it keeps you in someone's orbit for free whether you're selling a service, a product, or your ongoing brilliance.
📅 Extend a real, low-stakes invite. "We host a casual co-working day — come," or "we'll have a booth at the flea market Saturday, swing by." A specific invitation is more likely to result in sales or action than a nebulous "we should connect sometime."
And because someone needs to say it: asking to stay in touch is not imposing. No MWM has ever thought "I don't want to be pushy," and they certainly don’t let a perfect connection wander off into the crowd. Make the ask. Worst case, it's a no and you've lost nothing. Best case, it's your next client, wholesale account, collaborator, or weak tie that changes everything.
So practice saying what you do like it's a fact, not an apology. Say it in the mirror, say it to your dog, say it to one of us at our next Work With Day on August 5th.
🪢 Laura & Lauren
Things We Loved This Week
LaurA’s Things
🪮 I am NOT good at doing my hair, but this is a cute style I can actually do.
🤤 Drool over this dress with me.
👗 How cool is this?
Lauren’s Things
📺 Hannah Waddingham. Octavia Spencer. Female friendship. Assassins. Just watch it.
👓 Proud of my minor contributions to this man being in our feeds.
⛓️ I needed this.
🇺🇲 And sometimes “that’s why MLK was a communist.”
