You're writing the email. You know exactly what you want. You type it out, look at it, and something in you flinches.
So you go back to the top and add a "Just following up!" You turn "Let's move the launch to October" into "I recommend we consider moving the launch to October, but happy to discuss!" You tack a "no rush at all!!" onto the end like a tip you're leaving for the inconvenience of your own existence. Then you send it and wonder why it took eleven minutes to write four sentences.
You don’t have to change your whole email personality or let go of the niceties that make you, you. But there are some email crutches that are genuinely undermining or obfuscating your message. Let’s swap ‘em out.
🙏 Permission words
"Just," "quick," "small," and "only" are the words asking if it's okay that you spoke at all. A former Googler set the internet on fire in 2015 by calling "just" a “permission word” – a small signal of deference we hand over before we've said anything at all.
"Just checking in!" → "Following up on the proposal I sent on the 12th. Are we still on track for a decision this week?"
"Just a quick question —" → "One question:"
"I just wanted to see if you'd had a chance to look at…" → "Have you had a chance to review the deck?"
"We're just a small shop, so shipping takes a few days." → "Every order is packed by hand, so your order ships within three business days." 💡 Same fact. One is an excuse, one is a brand promise.
Notice that the sentences don't get shorter. That's the point. "Just checking in" was doing two jobs: apologizing for the email, and letting you skip saying what you actually wanted. Take away the permission and you take away your own cover, too. The rewrite is longer, clearer, and a whole lot easier to answer.
🙊 Pre-apologies
Sorry is a great word. Spend it on actual apologies, and it lands harder when you do.
"Sorry to bother you!" → "Thanks for your time on this."
"So sorry for the delay!" → "Thanks for your patience."
"Sorry, one more thing —" → "One more thing:"
"Sorry, we can't take returns after 30 days!" → "Returns are open for 30 days. Here's how to start one." 💡 No one has ever been charmed into accepting a policy by an apology for it.
😬 Confidence leaks
These are the ones that quietly demote you from expert to helpful bystander.
"I recommend we consider pushing the launch to October." → "We should push the launch to October. Here's why." 💡 “I recommend” is a sneaky one. It sounds strong, which is how it survives the edit. But it's a frame you build around your position so the position has somewhere to hide. They hired you. They already know it's your recommendation.
"Maybe we should test two subject lines?" → "We should test two subject lines."
"I feel like the pricing page might be the issue." → "The pricing page is the issue."
"Does that make sense?" → "What questions do you have?"
"Hopefully that helps!" → "Let me know what you need next."
"This is probably a dumb question, but…" → [delete, ask the question]
"I'm no expert, but…" → You are the expert. They are paying you at expert rates. Proceed accordingly.
🪄 Disappearing acts
This is the hedge that eats the ask alive, usually in the final six words.
"No worries if not!!" → “Thanks!”
"Whenever you get a chance!" → "Thursday works on my end. Does that work for you?"
"Let me know if you'd want to hop on a call sometime?" → "Are you free Tuesday at 11 or Thursday at 2?"
"Just wanted to float an idea —" → "Here's the move."
⁉️ Punctuation problems
Punctuation is doing tone work. The question is: is it doing too much tone work?
The exclamation pile-up. One is warmth. Three is psychotic enthusiasm.
The question mark on a statement. "Should this be purple?" → "Change to purple.” Otherwise I’m replying “no” and considering it final.
The trailing ellipsis. "Let me know…" → "Let me know by Friday."
The shrinking parenthetical. "(totally fine either way!)"→ [cut] 💡 Parentheses make things less important. That's their whole job. Don't put your ask in one. (That’s where your corny jokes go.)
💰 Money minimizers
Softening can undermine your value. No where is that more perilous than when we’re talking actual dollars and cents.
"My rate is $4,500, but I'm flexible!" → "My rate is $4,500. Here's what's included." 💡 You can negotiate later. Don't open the negotiation against yourself.
"Would $2,500 work?" → "We charge $2,500 for that scope."
"I know that's a lot…" → 🤐 Let them decide what's a lot.
"We had to raise our prices, so sorry about that!" → "Prices go up March 1 to reflect our new materials cost. Order before then at current pricing."
🎈 Not everything soft is a leak
Now the part where we complicate our own advice. Warmth is a business asset, and there's data on it. One study reviewed more than 350,000 email threads in online forums and found that gratitude-based closings pulled a 62% response rate versus 46% for everything else. "Thanks in advance" topped the whole list at 65.7%.
And speaking for just ourselves, nice people get replies. Mean people get punish ignored and repeatedly mean people get their accounts resigned.
The test isn't soft versus hard. It's additive versus subtractive:
➕ Additive builds the relationship without spending your standing. "Thanks so much for turning this around." "So glad you flagged it." "Hope the launch went beautifully." Keep every one.
➖ Subtractive pays for the message with your credibility. "Sorry to bother you." "I'm probably wrong but." "No worries if not." Cut ‘em all.
Context, position and format all matter, too.
An "eek, sorry!" to a client of four years reads as intimacy. The same three words in a cold pitch read as an apology for showing up.
“We’re pushing the launch to October" is a confident decision from a CEO and an overreach from a consultant.
"A/B test two subject lines" is a fine bullet in a strategy, but drop that same line into an email and it needs a subject: "We should test two subject lines."
Overall, the whole "fix your language" genre often quietly converts a structural problem into a personal writing tic, then sells the tic back to us as self-improvement. Nobody has ever deleted a "just" hard enough to close a pay gap. The late Deborah Cameron, then Oxford's Rupert Murdoch Professor of Language and Communication, put it best back in 2015: the problem isn't women's speech, it's the way women's speech gets pathologized and policed.
So edit — but edit for you.
Not to sound like a man. Not to preempt a judgment that's going to happen anyway. Edit because a clear sentence gets a faster yes. Because a rate stated flatly is easier to accept than one you argued against yourself. Because eleven minutes is too long to spend on four sentences.
Need a second set of eyes on that slightly awkward email? Our next Work With Day is Sept. 10 in Brooklyn.
🪢 Laura & Lauren
Things We Loved This Week
LaurA’s Things
🍞 BRB, making this now.
🧄 And also this.
🤔 Do I need this?
Lauren’s Things
⛳ “Different people notice different risks, different audiences, different blindspots.”
🩺 I guess diagnosis confirmed.
🇮🇹 One of every outfit, please.
🙅 Get out of my neighborhood.
